Traditions

So much pressure.  The Holidays.  Let’s see, there’s gift buying, decorating, pictures, christmas cards, more gift buying, holiday parties, family celebrations, Christmas programs, church services, cookie exchanges, dinner preparation, guests, and gift giving.  Whew!  Did I cover it all?? Just verbalizing all that we do and try to do around Christmas is exhausting.  And for me, it leaves me a little overwhelmed.  What would it be like to feel differently about the Christmas Season?  What would it be like to put all that stuff to the side and focus solely on our Savior?  How can we do this?  How can we accomplish such a task with the whirlwind of activities and to-do lists and shopping?  

Last year, if you were at the November meeting, you will recall that we spoke about some wonderful traditions that we could incorporate into our season to make it meaningful.  I think we had a great time focusing on what would bring us into communion with Jesus as we celebrate his birth.  Well, this year, I would like to again focus on Traditions.  But in a slightly different way.  Tonight I want to talk about what traditions are, why we have them, and what they create for the future generation.  You see, we are creating traditions everyday and every year, just in the very movement of our lives. Some of the traditions we are creating we are very intentional about establishing and some of which we are creating with little knowledge and purpose.  Some traditions are truly meaningful and others are hollow and unfulfilling.  If we can gather a clear picture of the type of tradition it is that God is interested in us forming and practicing, then maybe we can focus on our Savior in an even more intimate and significant way this Christmas.

What do we know about traditions?  What are some elements that make something a tradition?  

Dictionary.com defines tradition like this...

1. The passing down of elements of a culture from generation to generation, especially by oral communication.

a. A mode of thought or behavior followed by a people continuously from generation to generation; a custom or usage.

b. A set of such customs and usages viewed as a coherent body of precedents influencing the present: followed family tradition in dress and manners. See Synonyms at heritage.

2. A body of unwritten religious precepts.

3. A time-honored practice or set of such practices.

4. Law Transfer of property to another.

I heard several words and phrases in the definition that are worth taking a closer look at. The definition we heard included words like practice, continuously, and precedents. So, first, traditions are repetitive.  We hardly call something a tradition if we have never done it before.  But likewise, it is something more than just repetition, because we don’t call brushing our teeth a traditions, rather we call this a habit.  

Second, time is an important component of tradition.  The definition included these words:  passing down, generation to generation, and time-honored.  From these words we see that traditions transcend not just today and tomorrow. They can actually withstand time.  They are not limited to an era or period of time. 

I recently read a book by Noel Piper called, “Treasuring God in Our Traditions.”  In the opening chapter of the book she reminds us that “good traditions strengthen our sense of history and belonging.” 

Traditions can become ingrained, a deep way of life.  In this way, tradition establishes history.  History tells us where we came from, and why we are who we are. So, History is the third component of tradition.  It is really the mixture of time and repetition, that creates something defining about the group of people who follow a tradition, that gives them an identity.  

Traditions can actually give us a context for our lives, a context for the life we live and the life we leave behind.  And in this way they give us a sense of belonging, just like Noel was saying in the quote I read.  Belonging is perhaps the most emotional and important component of Tradition.  It speaks not just to where we physically have come from, but to what we want to be associated and also received into.  Noel Piper says, “As Christians our history is God’s story of drawing us into his family.”  It is our adoption by God, as sons and daughters, as heirs to his inheritance, the inheritance of Him as our father.  

Which leads us to the question, what is it that God has to say about tradition?  You won’t find the word tradition in the bible.  But, I don’t think you could argue that tradition is not part of God’s design.  There are numerous places in the new and old testament where tradition is established by God for the Jewish people.   Passover is a wonderful example.  

This excerpt from Treasuring God in Our Traditions, describes several pieces to the type of tradition God wants us to create.  Listen as I read from the book:

About the Passover celebration, for example, we read:

It was a night of watching by the LORD, to bring them out of the land of Egypt; so this same night is a night of watching kept to the LORD by all the people of Israel throughout their generations. (Exodus 12:42)

Some of the phrases in the verse help us see at least some of what God intended for his people through their traditions.  

“A night of watching by the LORD” -- God wants his people to remember what he himself did for them.

“A night...to the LORD” -- God wants them to honor him for what he’s done.

“Throughout their generations”--God wants their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren to hear the story of his salvation so they too will remember and honor him.

If we look at God’s instructions for the Festival of Booths commemorating the Jews’ forty years of desert wanderings, we see another important piece of his purpose.  

“You shall dwell in booths for seven days.  All native Israelites shall dwell in booths, that your generations may know that I made the people of Israel dwell in booths when I brought them out of the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God (Leviticus 23:42-43)

As with the Passover, God wants his people to celebrate in a way that re-enacts the story of his mighty deeds.  And again he wants the coming generations to hear the story and celebrate him and what he’s done.  Then there is an additional piece:

“I am the LORD your God”--God was not just part of their history.  Their traditions are to proclaim that he is their God now.  He is I AM.

So now, we have some working elements for tradition, repetition, time transcendence, strengthener of History and belonging; and we have an idea how God would have us establish traditions.

Re-enact the story of his mighty deeds

Tell the coming generations the story and celebrate him and what he has done

Proclaim that he is your God now

So, now the questions become what Traditions should we be establishing?  And, what traditions already in existence should we participate in?

First traditions are for children and adults and to be everyday and especially days traditions.  

Lets look at a specific passage in Deuteronomy 11.  (read excerpt 1; 13-21) 

Vs 1 - Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements his decrees, his laws and his commands always.  2 - Remember today that your children were not the ones who saw and experienced the discipline of the Lord your God: his majesty, his mighty hand, his outstretched arm; 3-the signs he preformed and the things he did in the heart of Egypt, both to Pharaoh....   Notice here that he is speaking to those who have been witness to God’s Presence and Movement.  Young children would not have yet experienced this yet... so to the adults he is saying.... vs 18, “You shall therefore lay up these words of min in your heart and in your soul.”  This indicates to the frequency of tradition.  Noel says, “The things we do regularly that help us in our deepest being to know and love and want God, the things that help our lives to be infiltrated with God -- those things are tradition.” Vs.  19.  Speaking to the establishment of tradition for children, “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up....”  

Further, Deuteronomy 4:9-10 says:  (read excerpt)

So you see, Traditions help us as adults remember the work that God has done in our lives.   They remind us of the work he has done for all believers.  Traditions help us praise and glorify our father.  Traditions are to include our children.  Because our children don’t have the knowledge or experience yet of who God is and what he has done, traditions will tell them, and help them learn.  Unlike a family heirloom, children cannot inherit God.  We cannot pass down God to our children.  BUT traditions help our children know and understand and prepare them to believe in God.  Finally Traditions are for everyday.  They can be practices that daily teach our children about God.  Our everyday traditions could be some of the following:

Family Devotional

Family Prayer

Scripture Memorization

Personal Devotions

Something that defines your family - remember the sense of belonging

Schedule - or Order of your day 

Hospitality

Christian World-view - Missions minded 

Also - we need especially.   Especially traditions are the ones that focus our attention on a specific event.  They help bring us back from the ordinary day to remember the extraordinary.  When we celebrate these moments, establish traditions to mark them, work is done in our own lives, in the lives of our children and reflect what is truly important to us.  Especially traditions can be some of the following:

Birthdays

Weddings

Funerals

Anniversaries

Holidays - like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc

if I had any traditions surrounding Christmas growing up, few were Christ-centered.

No two Christmas’ were alike.  Sometimes, we went to my Granny’s, sometimes my Grandma’s and sometimes we stayed home.  Once we even went to Disney World.  Christmas traditions for me involved decorations, gift giving, Santa, and food.  To this day my bro and I still squabble over what type of sweet potato dish is to be made.  We settle for a trade off, but since we don’t spend every holiday together anymore, I think he ends up with Sweet -Potatoes his way more than my way.  Pie was big too.  My mom would still make 3 pies if it was just the 4 of us on Christmas day.  When we were at home we would go to a Christmas or Christmas eve service.  I honestly don’t recall ever reading the Christmas story with my parents.  I think back on my experience.  I did feel as though I belonged to my family, but in a greater sense... I didn’t learn to belong to God’s family through our Christmas traditions.  Perhaps that is why I feel so much pressure at Christmas.  I want to give to my children what I missed.  What about you?

Here we are, it’s Christmas time.  We’re about to embark on a very significant Christian Tradition.  What do we do daily, in the way of everyday traditions that draw us near to God?  What have we already established to bring our children into knowledge of Jesus as their own Savior.  Will we celebrate the birth of Christ?  CAN we, or really WILL we participate in a tradition that is done God’s way?  Will we re-enact the story of the miraculous birth?  Will we tell this story to not just our children, but all the children in our lives?  Will we celebrate God and what he has done?  And will we Proclaim that he is our God now?  

Child Personality Types

Child Personality Types The key for us as parents is to discover and cultivate the uniqueness of each of our children. Listen to this passage from Psalm 139 for the God’s personal touch in making each person special and different. 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. These verses are incredible! As you read I know that you will have many thoughts running through your minds about your children. This is great! Take notes, jot down words or phrases that apply to your child. You have been already given many hints and signs about the way your child is to go. We have discussed many times Prov. 22:6-7, which says “Train a child in the way they should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Do you remember the idea here is that we should train them not in the way we think they should go, but the way God has designed for them to go, based on their unique bent. We must continue to observe them, study them, and learn about them. The more we know, the better equipped we are to parent them! Remember, we aren’t putting labels on them that will define who they are for ever. What we are doing however, is taking a step toward unfolding all they have been created to be. We have a few steps to work though. First we are going to look at our own personalities. Then we are going to look at the DISC personality type model. Finally we will take a look at our children’s personality types, and how to parent to them based on our personalities and theirs. Step 1: Pace and Priority How many of you have ever identified your personality type using the DISC model? Tonight we are going to identify your personality type. In a few moments you will need to skip to the post called PACE/PRIORITY QUIZ. Take the PACE quiz, answer the questions. As you answer them, think not about how you operate because you are a parent, instead think more deeply about how you like to operate and would choose to operate if you weren’t keeping up with the demands of parenting. Fast Paced – outgoing, initiating, takes risks, makes quick decisions, competing, assertive, broad focus, talks/tells Slow Paced – reflective, responding, avoids risks, thinks through decisions, cooperating, slower paced specific focus, listens/asks Take a look at this diagram. Some of you are fast-paced people and some of you are slow-paced people. One way is not better than the other, nor is one less than the other. Look back at your answers. Tally up the odd numbered questions you circled and the even numbered questions you circled. More circles for odd #s means you are face-paced, more circles for even #s means you are a slower-paced person. It is important to recognize this about yourself because it directly affects how you relate with your child! Now take the Priority Quiz Tally up your answers the same way as our previous quiz. If you circled more odds you are a task oriented person; more evens, you are a people-oriented person. Task-Oriented – independent, guarded in relationships, cool, controlling, calculating, time-conscious, tact-oriented, impatient People-Oriented – relational, relaxed, warm, supporting, feeling, flexible about time, opinion-oriented, easy going Now, let’s put these two tendencies together. What we have now before us is our own personality type. Under the DISC model… we can plot our personality type and get a better look at who we are! Google Pic - DISC Model http://www.internalchange.com/disc_profile_store/mall/disc-model.jpg What I would like for you to do right now is take a moment to chart your own personality type. Follow the link to this google picture of the DISC model. You will take your highest scores from the two tests and plot them in a quadrant of the model. Think that the center is 0, and 6 is somewhere in the middle, and 12 the far ends of the spectrum. You have just plotted your personality type! Now this is just a snapshot. If you can take a personality profile assessment I believe you will gain even more insight. It is a more in-depth approach. Personality Insights, Inc is a resource to use. STEP 2: DISC Model Now that we have an understanding of the basic model, and where we could plot ourselves, let’s talk a little about each of the different personality types. We will begin with the D style also known as the Choleric style or a Lion style. D: Directive Parents, Determined Children Tendencies: Fast Pace – Task Oriented P-Word: Powerful Motto: Let’s get moving! Communication style: One-way, Direct, Bottom Line 7 prominent characteristics: High self-confidence, Courageous, Results-oriented, Commanding, Competitive, Change-agent, Direct, straightforward Strengths: Decisive Action, Takes Charge, Gets Results, Self-Confident, Independent, Risk-taker, born leaders, thrive in change, excel in emergencies Weaknesses: Impatient, Stubborn, Harsh or Blunt, Compulsive worker, Domineering, relate to people as projects, always right, always win, bossy, sarcastic Fears: Being taken advantage of Recharge: Physical Activity Specifics with Children: Self-motivated (think about homework) Don’t like groups where they can’t lead Want immediate results Vacations with Lions are full of activities Power struggles – need to remain in control Emotional need – loyalty, sense of control, credit for good work and achievement Biblical Example: Paul I: Interactive Parents, Influencing Children; Sanguine; Otter Tendencies: Fast-Paced, People Oriented P-Word: Popular Motto: Let’s have Fun! Communication style: Positive, Inspiring, and Persuasive 7 Prominent Characteristics: People-Oriented, Emotional, Talkative, Optimistic, Spontaneous, Seek social acceptance and applause, Fun loving Strengths: Fun-loving, involved with others, enthusiastic, emotional, optimistic, good communicator, network at a party, great story tellers Weaknesses: Disorganized, not Detail-oriented, unrealistic, talk too much, interrupts self-centered, ficle in friendships, unorganized/undisciplined Fears: Loss of social approval Recharge: Social Time Specifics with Children: fun to be around, contagious enthusiasm, sign up for everything, not bothered by details, homework is a struggle, happiest of kids, avoid confrontation at all costs, doesn’t want anyone to think badly about them, they don’t manage friends well, good networkers, susceptible to peer pressure Emotional Need – attention, approval, affection, acceptance Biblical Example: Peter S: Supportive Parents, Soft-hearted Children; Phlegmatic; Golden Retriever Tendencies: Slower Paced, People Oriented P-Word: Peaceful Motto: Let’s Relax Communication style: Two-way, best listener, empathetic feedback 7 Prominent Characteristics: Steadfast, Team Player, Prefer familiarity, Render service, humble, committed to people, pragmatic Strengths: Patient, Easygoing, Team-player, calming influence, steady, stable, good follow-through, learned leader, good mediator, loyal friend Weaknesses: indecisive, over accommodating, too passive, sensitive, quietly stubborn, resist change, seen as lazy Fears: loss of stability Recharge: Nothing Time Specifics with Children: prepare them for change – its hard for them, hold stubbornly to what is right, get overwhelmed, hard to motivate, no confrontation, can’t make decisions Emotional Need – lack of stress, peace and quiet, respect, feelings of self-worth Biblical Example: Abraham C: Corrective Parents, Conscientious Children; Melancholy; Beaver Tendencies: task oriented, slow paced P-Word: Perfect Motto: Lets do it right Communication Style: Diplomatic, keen observer, provides detail 7 Prominent Characteristics: Maintains high standards, attentive to key details, self-disciplined, cautious, analytical, highly intuitive, does things the “right way” Strengths: Accurate, analytical, attentive to key details, high standards, intuitive, controlled, purposeful, deep and thoughtful, Weaknesses: too critical, perfectionist, overly sarcastic, emotional high and low, procrastinate, dwell in the past Fears: irrational acts, criticism of their workRecharge: private timeSpecifics with Children: they keep a close watch on their emotions, make careful decisions, like using skills to solve problems, have high standards for themselves, turn anger inward – prone to depression, slow down under pressure, focus on the past, stuck on what happened/mistakes made, nonverbal Emotional Need – sensitivity, support, space and silence Biblical Example: Moses What about your children. Were you able to identify any of these personality types with yourself? Your child? Maybe your husband? What will it will take is more study… as I have already mentioned before. Here are a few tips for how to study further: Observe your child in many different situations Solicit the opinions of other people who see your child in different situations Take your best guess Watch for secondary patterns Be open to modifying your perceptions of your child Listen to your spouse Use an inventory or profile to give you additional insight into your child’s personality Resources to use that will further your study:Different Children, Different Needs by Charles Boyd The Treasure Tree by John Trent and Gary Smalley http://www.perosnalitiy-insights.com/

Pace/Priority Survey

Pace Survey

1. I usually make up my mind quickly.
or
2. I like to take my time in decision-making

3. I tend to speak quickly and with emphatic statements.
or
4. I tend to speak more slowly and with less-emphatic statements.

5. I find it hard to sit and do nothing.
or
6. I enjoy quiet, do-nothing times.

7. I consider myself to have an active lifestyle.
or
8. I consider myself to have a more low-key lifestyle.

9. I tend to be energized by juggling several balls at once.
or
10. I prefer to do one thing at a time.

11. I easily become impatient with slower people.
or
12. I do not like to be rushed.

13. I am quick to tell somewone what I think or feel.
or
14. I am more private about what I think and feel.

15. I like taking chances and trying new and different things.
or
16. I do not like to take chances. I like familiar ways of doing things.

17. I tend to introduce myself at social gatherings.
or
18. I am more liely to wait to be introcduced at social gatherings.

19. When others talk, I have difficutly listening.
or
20. When others talk, I listen carefully.

21. I like to be in charge.
or
22. I prefer to follow directions and be supportive.

23. I tend to react more quickly and spontaneously.
or
24. I tend to react more slowly and deliberately.

____(#Odd/Fast-Paced)
____(#Even/Slower-Paced)


Priority Survey

1. I approach life in a serious manner.
or
2. I approach life in a playful manner.

3. I tend to keep my feelings to myself.
or
4. I tend to share my feelings with others.

5. I enjoy talking about and listening to facts and data.
or
6. I enjoy telling and listening to stories about people.

7. I tend to make decisions based on facts, objectives, or evidence.
or
8. I tend to make decisions based on fellings, experiences, or relationships.

9. I tend to be less interested in small talk.
or
10. I tend to be more interested in small talk.

11. I maintain control over who I get to know and who I am involved with.
or
12. I am more open to establishing new relationships and getting to know people better.

13. People may perceive me as being a little hard to get to know.
or
14. People tend to perceive me as easy to get to know.

15. I prefer to work independently and alone.
or
16. I prefer to work with and through others.

17. I discuss current issues and the tasks at hand.
or
18. I like to talk about people, stories, and anecdotes.

19. I think of myself as a more formal person.
or
20. I think of myself as a more casual person.

21. Other people view me as a thinker.
or
22. Other people view me as a feeler.

23. I feel best when I am accomplishing something.
or
24. I feel best when I am accepted by others.


____(#Odd/Task-Oriented)
____(#Even/People-Oriented)

Blog Blip - Thoughts about Daughters

My days are often alike, full of self-sacrifice and serving. I stay at home with my children and try to keep up a loving, clean, functioning home. In the afternoon I usually have some time to myself. It took some work, but I managed to coordinate the afternoon naps of my three children into the same two hour block of time. Sometimes I clean up things during those two hours, sometimes I eat lunch in silence, sometimes I read, and sometimes I even take a nap! Whatever I do, at the end of it, I always want five more minutes of ‘me-time’!My four year old rarely sleeps at naptime anymore, but he manages to stay relatively quiet in his room while the other children sleep. Today, as I open his bedroom door he jumps off his bed, lands on the floor with a loud thud and then exclaims, “Uhhh, I’m tired”. I laugh, because I am tired too. I’m too tired to be upset that he did not fall asleep, again. Next I open the door to my two and a half year olds room; she pops her head up from her pillow and says, “Treat Mommy?” Of course, it is snack time. They never forget. I move on to child number three, my six month old, and pull her up out of her bed to feed her. Yes, ‘me-time’ is clearly over. Yet, I would not trade my life for anyone’s. Being a mother has changed me, for the best.I had only been married for two and a half years when my son was born. I do not really remember much about being married before we had children. My husband and I seemed to adjust fairly well to being parents. We actually thought we were pretty good at it. Although we were surprised by our second pregnancy, coming only seven months after our son was born, not even the thought of having two babies in sixteen months seemed to scare me. I imagined that we would just make it work. However, I do remember thinking a force was out to get me the day we went in for baby number two’s twenty week ultrasound. Our ultrasound technician asked us if we wanted to know the sex of our baby. Believing #2 was another boy; we said “yes, please tell us”. I was shocked when I heard her say, “It’s a girl”. I realize that most women are excited to have a daughter. They have dreamt of shopping together and getting manicures, of slumber parties and learning to wear make-up. Not me, I was afraid to have girls. I welled up with tears and tired hard to hold them all in. My mind raced as I had a horrible thought, something I had heard for years about mothers and daughters. My thought was, she is going to grow up to be just like me! That is how the old saying goes, right? We resemble our parents. My son will turn out like his dad, sounds great. But, a mini-me? It just does not sound like a good idea. There are too many things still wrong with me. I am not nice enough, funny enough, or Godly enough. I am selfish and have a bad temper. I am irrational and jealous. I feel ugly sometimes and I doubt myself. And I am not sure any of those things can actually be fixed. Realizing that the curse was really on her, I began crying again!We picked our oldest daughter’s name out even before we were married, I just did not expect to ever use it. I really believed I was to be a mother of boys. What a ridiculous thought! My daughter’s name means, ‘royalty’. My husband is ‘beloved’, my son is ‘gift from God’, and my youngest daughter is ‘crooked nose’. We are hoping that she never asks the meaning of her name and we pray no accidents befall her so as her name defines her. This is what happens when you fall in love with a name and then learn the meaning. Ironically, I think, my name means butterfly. When I discovered I was to be a mother of a daughter, I felt less like a butterfly and more like a caterpillar. I even bit my nails! Little girls do not want their moms to be nail biters; their moms should have beautiful, appropriately long, painted nails. Nails for the world to see and love, not nails you want to hide.In November, 2004, my daughter was born and something in me has never been the same. She is ‘all girl’. She mothers her baby dolls, feeding them, clothing them, changing their diapers and putting them down for bed. She likes dresses and shoes and purses and talking on the phone. She loves to do all the things for her babies I love to do for my children and all the things I like to do as a girl. She mimics me, naturally. Slowly I have replaced my fear with hope and determination. Hope that God could do some work in me. Determination to be someone she would want to be when she grows into an adult. I fight internally to see myself as a much loved child of God. I strive to find beauty within. I dig deep to learn about myself and my emotions, so that I can react maturely in my relationships. I carve out time for myself so that I can be more loving and patient and fun. She inspires me to let go of my fears and pursue my dreams. I even quit biting my nails!Today I am a proud mother of three, one son and two daughters. These preschool and toddler years are all I know. I drive to play dates and preschool. We take trips to the pool and the library. I think in terms of sippy cups and diapers and burp cloths. I sing the praises of TiVo and Netflicks, and portable DVD players. Many think my life is limited and suffocating, but now, because I’m a mom, I know more about myself than ever before. I know the bad and ugly caterpillar parts of me. I know I need to grow and change. God is using these three little people to morph me into a butterfly. You see, ‘Me-time’ is my time to process and reflect, to refocus and gear up! ‘Me-time’ is for them too! I look at them and want to be the best that I can. Now, I am certain of my favorite things in life. I know what I want for my future. I am learning how to live joyously and purposefully. Now, I am truly thankful God blessed me with daughters.

Leading Your Child to Jesus
The first component of Leading your child to Jesus is good Communication with Kids.
Have you received any of those emails that reveal the very literal minds of children? Or listened to them recite the Star Spangled Banner in their own words? Children hear things differently than adults. This first exercise and segment is meant to close the gap between what you say and what your children hear. Children understand concrete terms and language better than they understand abstract terms and language. It is important to avoid symbolism and religious words. Here is a list of some of these symbolic and religious words that might be difficult for our children to understand:
Jesus into your heart
Pay the price for your sins
Lord of my life
Sin
Forgiveness
Punishment
Crucified
Savior
Resurrection
Confess
Eternal Life
Substitutionary atoning sacrifice
Perfect lamb who carried my sins
Spiritual transformation

Here are some key things to remember about language and children:

1. Children are at different developmental levels – age can be a factor and experience or exposure to Jesus can be a factor. If you are unsure if what you said is making sense to them, ask.

2. Children are most receptive to stories and terms they can relate to or picture – stories vs. lectures. Think about how Jesus would share important concepts with his followers. Word pictures and quick questions that provoke thought; were 2 techniques.

3. Children may focus on or be distracted by, a single detail in a story. Avoid distracting details and think about appropriateness and timing (i.e. football and drinking).

It will take more practice to use language they will understand. Become a student of your kids and other kids around them. Take time to imagine what it would be like to be them and see the world as they see.

Application: Describe what you believe each of your children already understand about God, Jesus and the Bible.
Application: Develop a list of bullet points that describes your kid’s lives today. In addition to school, culture, and fun activities, include typical attitudes toward God, Jesus, church, and Christianity. Underline items similar to your own childhood years.

Another component to Leading your child to Jesus is to Share your Story, how Jesus became your Lord and Savior. The basics of a strong testimony are: make it clear, use the right terminology and keep it short. Not sure where to start? Lead with, “Here’s what happened to me…” There are 3 Parts to a testimony (as outlined in Paul’s example)
BC – before becoming a Christian
The Cross – your conversion
AD – after becoming a Christian
Application: Using key words only, answer these questions:
BC – Before becoming a Christian: What were you like, personally and/or spiritually before becoming a Christ-follower? What caused you to begin considering a more toward God/Christian?

The Cross – Your conversion: What realization did you come to that finally motivated you to follow Christ? Specifically what did you do to become a Christian?


AD – After becoming a Christian: How did your life begin to change after you began to follow Christ? What are clear differences in your life now that you follow Christ, compared with your BC life?



Now it is time to write your story in shorthand. Using only 4 sentences and the key words from the exercise above, write your story.

Once you’re done thinking about the filters we discussed earlier. Refine what you have written make sure you show identifiable change.

Application: Read your four sentences aloud and time yourself. If it’s longer than one minute, cut down your sentence length.

Application: Share your four sentences with at least two other adults. Ask for feedback on clarity. Make changes as needed.

A third component in Leading you child to Jesus is to Share God’s Story.
Now we can share our own stories in a kid friendly way, but what about sharing the Gospel, or God’s story? Becoming a Contagious Christian, an evangelism training course outlines the Gospel this way:

1. God
2. Us
3. Christ
4. You and me



Work through each segment and work to fully understand the message.

4-Part Gospel Outline
1. God
He is Holy – Leviticus 19:2
He is Loving – 1 John 4:19
He is Just – Isaiah 61:8

2. Us
All people sin – Romans 3:23
Debt payment is Death – Romans 6:23
We cannot clear our debt – Isaiah 1:11

3. Christ
Jesus Christ is God and man – John 1:1, 14
Jesus died as our substitute – Romans 5:8; Revelation 1:18
Jesus our Savior offers forgiveness for free – Romans 3:23-24; Ephesians 2:8

4. You and me
We must ask Jesus to be our Lord and Savior – Romans 10:9; Ephesians 5:15, 17
We become adopted into God’s family – John 1:12
Spiritual transformation takes place b/c Jesus is in us – 2 Corinthians 5:17


This outline helps us put the gospel into words, but so far it isn’t kid friendly. Let’s look at kid-friendly terms and see if we can come up with some words and phrases that kids can understand.

It is important to remember that even though we deliver the message, true comprehension and conviction are results of the Holy Spirit. Work out these applications.

Application: On one side of a small note card list the four parts of the salvation plan: God, Us, Christ, You and Me. Next to each point, write a short sentence of explanation. Carry this card so you can refresh your memory prior to any situation in which you might have the chance to share God’s story (with kids or adults.)

Application: Practice explaining the salvation plan with at least two other adults. Ask for feedback on clarity and kid-friendliness.



A final component in Leading you child to Jesus is The Prayer and Beyond.

What are we preparing all this for? It is all for the moment when our children ask what they need to do to become a Christian. With adults we will use scripture passages that give a process of repentance and confession and acknowledgement. But with Children perhaps you have heard of the A-B-C Prayer.

1. A-B-C Prayer
A – Admit your sins and ask for forgiveness
B – Believe in Jesus and that he died for your sins
C – Choose to follow Jesus the rest of your life

We will need to replace any adult words with kid words to help them understand and be able to say it themselves.

What then should we be looking for when they say the prayer?

2. Readiness guidelines
Genuine, personal desire
Don’t discount repeat prayers
Consider age

3. How to respond when they do Pray to accept Christ
Make it a big deal
Mark the moment
Get a Bible for your child
Encourage continued prayer

Go through the application questions for this section.

Application: On the back of the note care you made as a personal exercise following our Telling God’s Story, write the letters A, B and C with a short explanation of each.

Application: Practice prompting a partner through the A-B-C prayer. Repeat at least twice.

Application: Plan what you will do in response to the moment your child prays for salvation.



The Early Years: Well, many of us have young children. And, I love the chapter in Leading Your Child to Jesus that is about just that, young children. How can we effectively reach a young child? John Trent says, “it’s never too early for God’s created people to do the very thing he created them for: have a deep friendship with him.”
Positively connect the child’s world to God. It can be very simple.
God made this banana – as you hand them a banana to eat
I’m here for you, and God is always here for you – when fussy
Using the name of God and Jesus frequently
Singing… what other ways???
Clearly communicate God’s truth and love. Use four-word simple statements of God’s truth.
God made the animals
God made the sky
God will help me
The Bible is true
Jesus loves me
Actively reinforce the message, with touch – expression of God’s love.

Application: List several simple, four-word statements in each of the following categories:
Who God is

What God does

Things we see that remind us of God

Descriptions of God’s love

Application: Write a note to your son or daughter that describes your love for him or her. Read the note to your child often, followed by a long hug.

Ministry of Your Mansion Discussion Questions

Questions:

Do you look at your home as a Mansion, a gift from God?

Do you enjoy your home? It is a reflection of you in how it functions. What steps do you need to take to make your home function? Organization? Planning??

How can you minister to your husband in your home?

How can you minister to your children in your home?

How much bible teaching is done by other people for your children? All, some, none?

What dedication would you like pronounced in your home?

In what ways do you need to change entertainment into hospitality?

Do you minister to those outside your home? What opportunities could you be part of in the future?

Titus 2:4-5 says we are to be busy at home. Do you find this to be overwhelming? How do you juggle the demands of work, parenthood, ministry, marriage, etc? What priorities do you need to make to find a balance and follow God’s call?

Prayer

Ministry of Your Mansion

Ministry of Your Mansion

From Titus 2:3-5, “Teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

As young women we are to seek training that teaches us:
-how to love our husbands
-how to love our children
-how to live wisely
-how to be pure
-how to work in our home
-how to do good
-how to be submissive

If we learn how to do these things our attitudes and actions will be aligned with the word of God so that others will be led to Christ, and not led astray.

Tonight we are going to look specifically at working in our home. How, in this area of working in our home, can we align our attitudes and actions with the word of God so that others will be led to Christ?

My sources tonight are Elizabeth George, author of A Women’s High Calling and Donna Otto, author of Finding your Purpose as a Mom, and Jane Englund, a teacher at Willow in the Women’s daytime classes. I have had the opportunity to be under her teaching and leadership for 2 years now.

Donna Otto says, “Your home is holy ground – a place where God has chosen to live and do his work.”

You most likely do not live in your dream home. My first home with my husband was an apartment in downtown Arlington Heights. It was in a cool up and coming area. New buildings were everywhere. There was lots of shopping and dinning, and it was near the train line to the city. But it wasn’t perfect. We figured out how to live in close quarters very quickly, you see, our apartment was a studio apartment. It was tinny tiny and it was also in an old apartment building. It was all we could get for the rent we could afford in this awesome area. So, as soon as we had saved enough money we bought a new 2 bedroom condo in Palatine. It was beautiful and new. I was very excited about the newness because the apartment had been so old and somewhat disgusting to me. The new condo was also enormous to us. I thought it had so much space. I actually made a rule about shouting. You were not allowed to shout from the living area to either of the bedrooms. You had to go to the person you wanted to speak with instead of shouting for their attention. But, we quickly out grew the space. We had Nathan just 11 months after moving in and Reagan was born before we were there 2.5 years. My sweet baby girl slept in a crib her 1st year of life that actually fit into our guest bathroom. This condo began as a dream come true but became crunched quarters. I searched for months for the perfect next step. And I finally found it, it is our current townhome, and I love it. But truth be told, it isn’t my dream home either. I dream of a back yard for my kids to play in and a larger living area for hosting and a million other things that could bigger and better in the next home.

But this home, and all the other places I have lived have been Mansions where Ministry Happens. God understood when he wrote our stories, wherever we live is a mansion. We need to see things as God sees them. Our home is a place where He can be known by his children.

The question is, do you see your home as a gift from God? I am asking not just are you thankful for your home, but do you see it as a gifting to you, yours and those around you? Do you use it as a gift?

Psalms 16:5-6 claims that our land is our inheritance – the home we have is a blessing and part of Gods gifting to us as his children.

Joshua 24:15 tells us to choose whom we will serve – how and who will you choose to serve with your home? Will you serve God with your Mansion?

Titus 2:4-5 urges us to be workers in our homes – to be busy there.

There are three ways our homes are used for ministry, Ministry Inside Your Home, Ministry With Your Home, and Ministry Outside Your Home.

Ministry Inside Your Home is ministry to the people in your home, your husband and your kids.

Beginning with ministering to your husband, let me read to you from Ephesians 5:33 (from the Amplified version), “Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband. That she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.”

I was just at a wedding yesterday and I was reminded of the commitment I made to my husband in my vows. I was also reminded of the role I have as a Christ follower in a marriage. Standing 7.5 years ago in front a church full of witnesses, I had no idea the level of the commitment I was making. Yesterday I looked at those newly weds and thought about how difficult it is to truly be selfless and put another person and their needs above your own. Marriage is really an act of servant-hood.

In what ways do you serve your husband? Is your husband led to Christ in your home? Do you allow him to make mistakes? Is he safe when he comes home from work? Does he get the opportunity to relax and rejuvenate in your home? As he is inside his gift from God, does he feel blessed? Can he worship?

As we are called to work in our homes, let us have our husbands in mind. Could planning meals, serve him? Could a clean house and clean laundry serve him? Could a break from stress and expectation serve him? How can you take steps to minister to your husband inside your home?

Ministering to your children is another act of Ministry Inside Your Home. Only you can be their mother, caring for their needs, teaching them, and training them. Have you noticed that no matter how much work anyone else does for your children, you the mother are ultimately in charge? I have a wonderful husband who helps out tremendously in our home with our children, and yet no matter how much he does, and knows how to do, he will still defer to me as the authority over the children.

We as mothers have a wonderful opportunity to study God’s word with our kids, to read bible stories together and memorize scripture. We have the opportunity to teach scripture in everyday circumstances. Deut. 6:7-9 tells us to teach God’s commandments when we get up and lie down, and when we are walking along the road. We can fill our homes with worship and play Christian music. As your children grow and develop, our homes should be safe places for them to come to escape from the world around them. Our homes will never be perfect, but they can be forgiving and loving and nurturing and peaceful. When our children want to run away from the troubles they are facing, wouldn’t it be wonderful if instead of running away from home, they were running to home.

The second way to use your home for ministry is the Ministry With Your Home. Ministry with your home is the ministry of hospitality. 1 Peter 4:9 tells us that being hospitable is not optional, gifting or not gifting, we are called to hospitality. Use your home for fun, food and fellowship, have other people and their kids around. How can you make your home hospitable? Here are some ideas…

First impressions are important. Walk out your front door and head to the curb. Be critical. Is your home welcoming? Are there maintenance opportunities on the outside of your home? Could you improve the appearance with a few flowers and plants? Does your front door look nice, or does it need a fresh coat of paint? Is the walkway clear of debris? Could you sweep the front walkway and steps to clean it up a bit? Brush out cobwebs in your front door? What about once your guests enter your home? Is your entry way free from clutter? Is there a place to hang their coat? These questions and this line of thinking is not about creating the perfect home or a model home where people don’t live, but rather creating a home that says, “Welcome to the place where we live, we love it, we take care of it, we want you to know there is a space for you as our guests in it as well.”

Another idea for making your home hospitable is to actually dedicate it to the Lord. You could hold an dedication ceremony with family and friends. You can create a blessing, a confession of your faith and place it at your front door. Deut 6:4-9 tells us to write God’s commandments on our doorposts. I have in my home, not currently at my front door, but several dedications of the values and blessings our family holds dear in my home. Be creative and make it special to your family. Pray over the rooms in your home. Pray that God would use them and be present in each space.

In this era there is much on TV, in print media, and on the internet telling us how to decorate and entertain in our houses. Please recognize that there is a very big difference between Entertainment and Hospitality. Our calling in 1 Peter 4:9 says, “Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.” From Finding Your Purpose as a Mom here is a poem by Donna Otto:

Hospitality…
Hospitality seeks to provide a safe place.


Hospitality strives to serve.

Hospitality puts people before things.


Hospitality claims that what’s mine is yours.


Hospitality takes no thought for reward or reciprocation.

Hospitality is about welcome, inclusion, and acceptance.

Hospitality frees us to enjoy one another and grow in the Lord.

Hospitality specifically seeks out those in need of food, shelter, company, or a listening ear.

Hospitality is an act of obedience and stewardship.
Entertainment…
Entertainment seeks to provide a showplace.

Entertaining strives to impress.

Entertaining elevates things above people.

Entertaining claims that everything is mine and you should admire it and certainly not touch it.

Entertaining expects praise and a return invitation.

Entertaining is about exclusiveness and pride.

Entertaining enslaves us to personal and cultural expectations.

Entertaining seeks out those we think can help us in some way.


Entertaining is essentially a self-serving occupation.



You see, there is a ministry that can actually happen With our homes. If you haven’t the perfect home for inviting others in, invite them anyway. This will help you see how your home functions, what changes you need to make and how you can best use it to minister to others.

A final way we can minister using our homes is with the Ministry Outside Our Homes. This statement seems a little paradoxical. What I am talking about here is a call to minister to those in our walk of life. For example, our neighbors, those in our social paths via church, school, work, extracurricular activities, and service opportunities.

God calls us to minister to his children. We are to walk outside the doors of our home and minister to those in need. We can do that with our homes. Have you ever baked a meal for a friend who has just had a baby? Brought homemade cookies to your new neighbors? Cheered up a friend with handmade card? Used your home to Collect and assembled goods for a service project – Angel Tree or the backpack drive? These are all ways to use our homes to minister to others.

I believe that in taking care of your home and keeping it organized you will find much that you don’t use and can’t use. By identifying those things and giving them to those in need you are using your home to minister outside your home. When my mother in law remodeled her kitchen, she was able to donate the old cabinetry to a church in need of kitchen cabinets. What an opportunity to bless people with something you no longer needed or used.

When you look Outside your home, be intentional about reaching out. Share God’s love.

I hope and pray that God would help you see that your home is your ministry and that there are many ways to minister using your home. The people in your home are your top priority. You have a unique role in their lives and providing a home for them is of utmost importance. We have also a great work of ministry with our homes though the act of hospitality. Finally we can use our homes for ministry as we reach out to those outside our homes. Elizabeth George calls the home a ‘hub’, a ‘haven’, a ‘hospital’, a ‘hearth’, a “place to be happy’, and a place of ‘hospitality’. Can you see the ministry you have in your Mansion? Let me close with a poem and a word of prayer. This poem is from a Jewish friend of author Emilie Barnes, “May its doors be open to anyone in need, its rooms filled with kindness, may joy shine from its windows and God’s presence never leave it.”

Raising Great Kids - Session Four

This week’s material from Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s Raising Great Kids, centers on developing competence, morality and Spirituality in our children. So far we have discussed developing three other characteristics in our children; connectedness, responsibility, and reality. These final three seem very challenging to me. I am so glad that we have Cloud and Townsend, experts in this area to help us.

Competence: Children tend to see our work inside and outside the home as something that takes us away from them. It is important to model interest in, involvement in, and even frustration with the work you do both inside and outside the home. Let your children see that you love them, but that you have a work life, tool.
Take a moment to evaluate what we are modeling about interest in, involvement in, and even frustration with work you do inside as well as outside the home.

Not only do you want your child to integrate work into their lives, but you also want to help them with the specific interests, talents, gifts and aptitudes God put into them. Parenting involves helping your children explore, discover, and develop those capacities that they will later enjoy and excel in.

Morality: Remember the 10 Commandments that Moses brought down to the people of Israel? We as parents also give our family our own set of commandments. Think about the set of commandments your parents gave you as you were growing up. Some possibilities are “Thou shalt not speak the truth about certain issues. It will make your father angry”; “Thou shalt not make a mistake ever. You should already know how to do it before you are told”; and “Thou shalt not be independent. It is an abomination.”

Cloud and Townsend say, “No family would put such commandments on the wall of the kitchen in embroidery to be memorized. But commandments like these are memorized because they are experienced by the children and become part of their own conscience. Later in life, when a relationship calls for direct truth or independence, the child’s conscience will not allow him to bring forth those qualities. As a result, his adult relationships will suffer.

What we want is for our children’s conscience to be his friend, not his adversary. And we want the focus of that conscience to be relationship, reality issues, and reality consequences. We want the conscience to work toward protecting love with God and others and toward aligning oneself with the reality of God’s created order more than with petty rules. “

Your laws become part of your children’s conscience through identification, imitation, modeling, and experience. Using these methods we can construct a conscience in our children around the issues. Remember how you relate to your children is forming their conscience. Their brains are recording your responses to them. It is necessary to make sure that the rules we give them are focused on love, corrected by love, and built in the context of love.

Our final characteristic is Spirituality, a child’s connection to God.

Helping our children shift from immature to mature dependency on God the Father---that, in a nutshell, is the challenge of raising kids who will one day come to love and serve the Lord. More than any other character capacity, spiritual development is caught more than taught. Children will internalize more of what you are with God and with them than what you teach them about God.

Closely related to the challenge of developing a setting that encourages a child’s spiritual life and commitment to Jesus is the question of when and how to help our child make a decision of faith.

We have discussed a lot of things during this study. Let’s do a quick review.

Responsibility Continuum – transfer responsibility to them by adulthood

Ingredients for Growth: Grace, Truth, and Time – Children need to know that you are on their side that is grace. Children need to know that you will give them reality that is truth. Children need to spend both quality of time and quantity of time with you.

Elements of Growing Character: experience and internalizing – this is how they will get character developed in them, through participating in the experiences of life and experiences you place before them and then internalizing these experiences

6 Character Traits:
Connectedness – the ability to form relationships; remember the attachment Goals?
Responsibility – taking ownership of their own life and seeing their life as their problem; remember that they gain responsibility by practicing self-control, delayed gratification, and setting and receiving limits.
Reality – the ability to accept the negatives of the real world; remember the 5-step process of embracing reality? (Protest, reality remains, metabolize the reality, grief, problem solving and resolution)
Competence – the development of everyday life skills as well as their God-given gifts and talents; teaching them that work is part of life, and helping them discover gifts and talents.
Morality – an internals sense of right and wrong – developing a conscience in them that is a friend and helper.
Worship/Spirituality – learning that God loves them and is in charge of life; learning to seek God on their own

To close out this session, I would like to have us end with a time of prayer. Pray for your children to develop the six character traits we have talked about these past few months. Also, pray for each one of them to one day make a decision for Christ.

Raising Great Kids - Session Three

All notes are from Henry Cloud and John Townsend's Raising Great Kids.

Our children will grow up and ultimately need to accept responsibility for their own lives. Remember the Responsibility Continuum. As we help them in this process we also want to give them the ability to function as God designed them to function in the world. Character is the Sum of our abilities to deal with life as God designed us to.

Tonight we are going to talk through growing 3 Aspects of Character in our children, Connectedness, Responsibility and Reality. This growth takes place when a child has Development or Training Experiences and then Internalizes what they learn, the Elements of Growth.

Like a garden has essential ingredients for growth, so Character has some essential Ingredients needed for Growth. Time, both in the sense of Quality and Quantity is needed. Grace, shown in kindness, empathy, forgiveness, compassion, understanding, provision and love, is another ingredient. Truth, shown in morality, standards, expectations, evaluations, judgment, confrontation, discipline, limits, honesty, and integrity is the third. Remember that children need to know that parents are on their side. Effective parents must learn to be gracious and truthful at the same time. Remember the equation:

Grace + Truth = Growth.
Time

We will be effective in our Parenting if these 4 factors are in our parenting technique:

Value of Love – relationship is central to parenting. To develop, a child is going to need to be deeply related to her parents and others, and parents are going to have to keep relationship as a goal of her development.
Value of Truth – Children cannot be loved too much, but they can be disciplined not enough. Every parent is a dispenser of truth and reality. The goal is to have a child become a person of truth living in wisdom.
Value of Freedom – Parents must require responsibility from their children. When they do so, parents help children grow into free people who have learned how to use their freedom to choose good things—things like love, responsibility, service and accomplishment.
The role of God – Character is never complete without an understanding of who one is before God. God gave parents the assignment of bringing up children to understand him and to take their proper place before him.

Connectedness is the first Aspect of Character we will look at.
Connectedness = the ability to form relationships

As parents of young children, you have the opportunity to do important work as you connect with them and, at the same time, teach them to connect with you.

Now let’s look at the nine attachment goals.

1. Use relationship for equilibrium
2. Learn basic trust and need
3. Value relationship
4. Internalize Love
5. Develop capacity for loss
6. Develop gender roles
7. Relate to the world
8. Develop give and take
9. Teach altruism

This is how attachment happens.

Specific tasks create the ability to CONNECT. The child has his job, and the mother has hers. These two jobs interact to help the child become capable of making attachments to people.

First, the child must experience the reality that RELATIONSHIP is good and is one of the necessary elements of life. His first task is to EXPERIENCE and RESPOND to the NEED for relationship. When he is lonely, afraid, anxious, hurt or hungry, he pays attention to his discomfort and responds to it in some way. He learns to take initiative by protesting, reaching out, and getting a parent’s attention.

Closely related is the second task. The child must PROTEST long enough for help to get to him. Love and support don’t always come instantly. Children learn to keep calling or signaling, and help will come.

Finally, a child’s third task is to RECEIVE the GOOD. One of the main jobs of a child’s first year is to take in love through thousands of loving experiences.

What is the parent’s task? Simply put, a parent needs to RESPOND to the child’s needs with WARMTH, AFFECTION, and PREDICTABILITY. A parent must also respond APPROPRIATELY. And, as the child gets older, a parent must CONNECT without being INTRUSIVE. Parents must make connectedness inviting by giving a child a certain amount of freedom and emotional space. Children with intrusive parents experience relationship as controlling or enmeshing.

In parenting your child to be able safely to RECEIVE and GIVE love and connectedness, you are helping build a connected foundation inside her that will sustain her for life.

ALRIGHT! – Lets move onto our second Character trait: Responsibility.

Responsibility = the capacity to own one’s life as one’s problem.

Remember to show your child that, even when you and they disagree, you are “for” them – for their welfare, safety, best interests, and growth.

The third Aspect of Character for tonight is Reality.

Reality = the ability to accept the negatives of the real world.

So how do we teach our children to live in an imperfect world?

The Five-Step Process of Embracing Reality:
Protest.
Reality remains.
Metabolize the reality.
Grief.
Problem solving and resolution.

Teaching our children to live in an imperfect world—to face the reality about themselves, about other people, and about the world—is key to enabling them to live well in this world.

Raising Great Kids - Session Two

We began the 2nd session of Raising Great Kids by talking about some ingredients for Growth: Grace, Truth and Time Cloud and Townsend define Character as the Sum of our abilities to deal with life as God designed us to. Growing Character always involves 2 elements, Develoing or Training through experience and practice, and Internalizing. This makes perfect sense. If we are to look back at our own lives, we would see that our past experiences and how we reacted to them have made us who we are today. To grow the six aspects of character in our children 3 ingredients are needed. They are, Grace, Truth, and Time.

From the section titled "Grace and Truth Divided" we learn the following. From the earliest days on, parents must at the same time love their children and provide limits and structures. They must be loving, yet firm. They must be kind, but require children to do their part. They must be compassionate and forgiving, but require children to change and be responsible. A rule of thumb for integrating grace and truth is “Be soft on the person, but hard on the issue.” Grace establishes and maintains the quality of the relationship, and truth adds direction for the growth and structure of a child’s behavior and performance. Grace lets a child know he is loved. Truth guides him on what to do and become.
Parents who have integrated grace and truth give messages that contain both. Here are a few examples:
“I know you want to play now. It’s hard to wait. But I want you to finish your homework first and then you can play.”
“I forgive you for what you did. But if you do it again, you will be grounded for a day.”
“I’m on your side even if you don’t feel it. But you are going to have to respect the rules, too.”

In, summary, your children need to know that you are on their side, and that is grace. Your children need to know that you will give them reality, and that is truth. And your children need this grace and this truth every day, from birth to their late teens. Only then will you see your children grow in character. Let’s look at the formula.

Grace + Truth =
Time

Raising Great Kids - Session One

Raising Children of Character:

Despite the blizzard on the night of our last meeting, 5 were able to make it out for YM. We kept to only this first session so that at our next meeting we could do a quick review and then jump into the next 2 sessions of the material.

We began our time with a video clip from the material Raising Great Kids. In the video Cloud and Townsend spend some time talking about some key factors in effective parenting. From the four key factors, the value of love, the value of truth, the value of freedom and the role of God, we were able to understand that we will help our children become kids of great character if we can bring these elements into our parenting practices.

We were able to look at a Continuum of Responsibility and see that over time we parents are to shift the responsibility of our child's life to them. We also saw the unique tasks that we have as parents and the unique tasks that our children have. Our discussion time allowed us to answer some questions about how we can help our little ones take on greater responsibilities. I shared a great handout I received from another class telling of jobs that my children can actually do. Here are a few of the jobs:

Age 3 - get dressed/put pajamas away/ make bed/brush hair and teeth/fold clothes/help empty dishwasher/clear dishes and glasses to counter/pick-up toys before bed/empty garbage

Age 5 - ALL OF THE ABOVE... and vacuum/use a feather duster/set the table/clean drawers and closets/wipe sink counters and tub/put groceries away

Age 7 - ALL OF THE ABOVE... and take garbage out/sweep walks/help out in kitchen/help make lunch/school work/clean out car/piano lessons

We also discussed letting our children be risk-takers, allowing them to try and succeed or fail. Finally we thought about what it would look like to stay 'emotionally connected' and keep good limits when our children disobey.

This final portion of our time was talking about the 6 aspects of Character. Connectedness, Responsibility, Reality, Competence, Morality and Worship are the 6 aspects of Character. Then we discussed things we could do to help our child develop in each of the six aspects of Character. The take home was to begin doing this at home with our children.

Raising Great Kids PRENOTE

We all know that raising great kids is going to be an enormous challenge. Do we know how to do it? Do we even know what a 'great kid' looks like? Do we know what kind of adult a 'great kid' turns into? Henry Cloud and John Townsend are the teachers of the 3 part series we are doing for YM. Using their material, Raising Great Kids, we will explore a structured approach for parenting. Cloud and Townsend will provide a "road map for creating character in your children." We will follow the following schedule:
Part I - session 1 'Raising Children of Character'
Part II - review session 1, complete sessions 2 & 3 'Ingredients for Growth: Grace, Truth, and Time; Developing Connectedness, and Responsibility
Part II - sessions 4, 5 & 6 'Developing Reality and Competence; Developing Morality and Spirituality; When in Doubt, Connect!

The study consists of a video/teaching time. and discussion time. I will facilitate the teaching time and interject discussion on the material throughout. Unfortunately I will be unable to recreate our teaching and discussion time here on the blog. Additionally, due to copyright infringement, I will be unable to provide the material from Raising Great Kids also here on the blog. To supplement I will try to highlight the points we discussed from the material. If you are unable to attend the group I recommend reading the book Raising Great Kids by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This should give you the most opportunity to get into this material.

I hope you are able to make it out to YM for this exciting material. I know we will discover so much and be better equipped parents when we finish it up! Thanks - Vanessa

Transforming Holiday Traditions:
Notes from Redeeming the Season, by Kim Wier and Pam McCune

Tips for the season…. “A fulfilling and spiritually rewarding Christmas begins with a personal investment made before the first ornament is taken out of the box.” (pg 119)

1. Allow Christ to redeem our hearts… ‘A redeemed heart says, “nothing will come between me and Jesus, not carpools nor telemarketers nor PTA projects nor dirty diapers nor demanding bosses nor sheer exhaustion nor any created thing.”’ (pg 120) Make this your mantra for the holiday season, repeat it regularly to stay focused.

2. Set time aside daily for God, don’t let to-do lists interrupt your time with our Savior. Without him, this season doesn’t even exist.
Develop family traditions (a family - the first key element in the Christmas story) Colossians 1:15-17
Ornament Boxes (my mom’s gift to me when I married Dave - she bought an ornament for me each year as a child and then gave me all the ornaments when I got married so that I could have a good start to my own tree)
Tree Night – hunting, decorating, special dinner --Make this a special family night where you do the same thing each year.

3. Reach out to others (a message - the second key element in the Christmas Story) John 1:29
Christmas Nails - look for these at your local Christian store.
Coffee and Caroling - set a night to invite friends and neighbors over to enjoy some holiday fun.
Caring through Sharing – gifting your used toys, we accumulate so many toys at Christmas time, use this time to purge your house of unused toys and donate them to a charity.
Christmas Card Prayers - as you receive Christmas cards from family and friends, share them with your family during the dinner hour and pray for each family as you pray for your dinner.

4. Participate in significant worship (a Savior - the final key element in the Christmas Story) Revelation 4:11
Nativity Central (tell parts of the story in the days leading up to Christmas, adding to the story each time… act out the story with the figures
Read the Christmas Story on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (Luke 2:1-14)
Worship in Song – Campfire Night or Christmas Night or even Christmas Morning, express thankfulness (wrapped present for Jesus, thank you notes to Jesus - each of these activities is meant to give you the chance to thank Jesus for all he has done in your life and to offer something of yourself to Jesus as a gift.

Training Your Child Part II

Train Your Child Part II
In Part I of Train Your Child we took a deeper look at Proverbs 22:6. “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” We talked extensively about the word “train”, the tools we need to train, the type of trainer we need to be, and the roadblocks we might encounter in the training process. I believe this verse is telling us to set our children apart for God’s future purpose in their lives. We also looked into Luke 2:52 as a powerful example of the ways in which Jesus grew as he was trained in childhood. Luke 2:52 says, “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.” For practical application we started to break down this verse and brainstorm ways to develop these traits in our children at various ages. In Part II I would like to build on the discussion about training and provide 3 techniques in addition that will help us reach our goal in parenting.
When we looked at training we were looking at a bigger picture. Within that bigger picture of training are specific techniques. Training is one of the techniques to use to achieve the broader goal of training our children in the way they should go. There is also a modeling technique, a teaching technique and a grace technique. First let’s begin with the modeling technique. We previously looked at how we were going to be good models by remaining in Christ when we spend time with him and put ourselves in God’s word. Not one of us can be the model that leads a child in the path he should go if we are not on the path ourselves. In Part II I want to emphasize how modeling will help our children reach the goals we have them. Listen to this excerpt from Donna Otto, author of Finding Your Purpose as a Mom,
"There is almost no limit to the things you can teach children through your example. You can model a love of books and a taste for learning. You can model good habits, such as prayer, cleaning up after yourself, keeping your closet organized, even flossing…By itself your example will not guarantee that your children will “catch” what you want them to. But your example shows them what is possible. It demonstrates what matters enough to invest your life in. By staying married to your husband and working out your problems, you demonstrate that people really can honor commitments for a lifetime—a powerful and life-giving message in this day of disposable marriages. By praying about your problems in front of your children—and sharing with them the answers to your prayers—you demonstrate that prayer is an important part of life. So much of what your children become, they will pick up by watching you everyday.”
Modeling can be a powerful technique in helping our children grown in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. Just by practicing right behavior and right attitudes ourselves, our children will learn and copy that behavior and attitude. For example, we want our children to learn to pray to God. When we pray at mealtime and bedtime, we are modeling prayer. They will see this behavior as “what adults do.” And will therefore seek to copy us.
Teaching is another technique we need to talk about. It might sound as though teaching and training are very similar. Let’s distinguish between teaching and training a little. Listen to the two definitions Donna Otto gives for these words, “Teaching, essentially means imparting information or demonstrating skills, --giving facts, demonstrating techniques, explaining why…Training involves shaping her will and her habits, … training is our intentional effort to affect a child’s overall interaction with you and the world” (pg 178, 180). We see the idea of teaching in the verses 6-9 of Deuteronomy 6 where we are told to repeat the commands (God’s law) to our children, to talk about them at home, on trips, when going to bed and when waking, tie them to our hands and write them on our foreheads, doors and gates. Teaching is getting the information to them. Training as implicated in Proverbs 22:6 is shaping their characters, producing response that suggests more than just knowledge of right thinking, but hearts filled to move to right actions and attitudes. Let’s look at the previous example of wanting our children to pray to God. We will teach them what to say when they pray, so they will learn who to pray to (God, Jesus, Holy Spirit), how to pray (hands folded, heads bowed), what to pray about and when to pray. We will train them by expecting them to pray at bedtimes and mealtimes.
Finally the fourth technique to helping our children grow is extending grace. One final excerpt from Donna Otto, “Even as we work to teach our children and train them and model right behavior to them, we need to be in the constant process of extending grace to them. Giving grace is a matter of being patient with the growing process. It’s a matter of allowing for mistakes and encouraging second tries. It’s a matter of focusing on the possibilities of a relationship and the potential for a yet imperfect person, expecting the best and forgiving the worst, and helping those we love find new solutions when none of the old ones have worked” (pg 184). Extending grace in the example of prayer might look like reminding them to pray when they have forgotten at a mealtime or bedtime.
Even though these 4 techniques go hand in hand and build upon each other, training is our fundamental place to start. Teaching follows when questions of 'why do we do this?' begin to arise, modeling when he is able to copy your example, and grace when he understands he has forgotten to do something or how to do it. Listen to this final example and notice how the four techniques are used to help a child reach a goal you have for them. Let’s say you want your child to grow into an adult who brushes his or her teeth. You will begin this process by getting out the tooth and brushing their teeth. Since they are not capable of doing so themselves at such a young age, you train them that brushing teeth is a part of the bedtime and wake-time routines. Then as they grow you allow them to see you brush your teeth. From there you begin to teach them how to brush their own teeth. You might make a chart to record when they do so. Finally, you extend grace and bring the toothbrush to them should they forget one morning or evening. Using these 4 techniques will bring about the opportunities that your child needs to take up new and important responsibilities as an adult.
The discussion worksheets take the four square life and a character quality that a child should master in each one. A definition for each square of the 4-Square Life, from Luke 2:52 is included at the top of the page. For each character quality examples for development in our children, using the techniques of modeling, teaching, training and extending grace, are given for each age group. Take a look at these examples and spend time thinking of your next parenting move! Maybe for you it will be beginning to model right behavior to them because there are areas where you are not walking the talk. Possibly you need to spend some time in scripture learning some basic principles to be able to teach your child the right behavior and attitude. Perhaps it is time to break out the charts and stickers and start holding them accountable for the behavior you have been teaching. It could also be that it is time for your children to hear about grace. Certainly these lists are just the beginning. I encourage you to be in dialogue with at least one other mom who is trying to be deliberate about training her child in the way he should go. You can have someone to share trials and triumphs with. We are all new and inexperienced in this journey. It is good to team up together.

4 Square Life - Character Trait Examples using the four techniques

Wisdom:
Gaining in knowledge, understanding, and discernment; developing a sense of right and wrong; understanding when to stand firm and when to bend.

Trait Example: Building Character, honesty and manners

0-18 months
Model – speaking to others politely, using polite words

Teach – using words like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’

Train – carry out the action, having them say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’

Grace – give them gentle reminders when they forget


1.5 – 2
Model – demonstrate when you are wrong, apologize

Teach – explain rewards and consequences to behavior

Train – have them experience the rewards and consequences for behaviors

Grace – give them second chances to make good choices


3-4
Model – model in your relationships and interactions with others

Teach – teach them to express emotions constructively

Train – use charts and stickers

Grace – use ‘I forgive you’ when your child apologizes


Stature:
Growing to physical adulthood, but also becoming a person of integrity, character, and strength.

Trait Example: Building a healthy lifestyle

0-18 months
Model – taking walks with your child, limiting TV

Teach – teach them to eat good foods

Train – giving them baths and washing hands, cleanliness

Grace – reminders to wash, eat veggies, limit TV, and give some treats


Favor with God:
Growing into someone who loves and trusts God, who knows the Lord’s voice and obeys, who delights in God’s Word, who loves God and others and puts that love into action.

Trait Example: Growing into a person who prays

0-18 months
Model – Pray over them

Teach –

Train – Pray at mealtimes

Grace –


1.5 – 2
Model – let them see you praying

Teach – teach them simple prayers, how to bow head, fold hands

Train – pray at mealtimes and bedtimes

Grace –


3-4
Model – model deeper prayers

Teach – teach deeper prayers (beyond ‘thank you’)

Train – pray at mealtimes and bedtimes and begin praying at other times

Grace – remind them to pray (make a chart)


Favor with Man:
Growing into someone who gets along with others as much as possible without endangering his relationship with God A person who is kind, courteous, thoughtful, loving, who puts others first, who gets along without mindlessly conforming.

Trait Example: Kindness toward Others

0-18 months
Model – tone of voice

Teach – sharing

Train – sharing

Grace – helping them find solutions like sharing, taking turns, play with something else


1.5 – 2
Model – take turns

Teach – teach them not to hit, bite, kick, etc

Train – to help pick up toys

Grace – saying sorry and I forgive you


3-4
Model – holding doors

Teach – helping others with tasks, unloading dishwasher, setting the table

Train – begin playing games that involve taking turns, let others go first

Grace – explain Grace to your child

Training Your Child Part I

We are going to start with a verse I’m sure you are all familiar with, Proverbs 22:6. It says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” This verse, like others in Proverbs, is not a promise, but a probability. If we do as we are told, train a child in the way he should go, the outcome will most likely be favorable, when he is old he will not depart from it. We have something to hope for when we choose to follow the instruction in Proverbs 22:6.
I’m sure you have already begun to realize this is a loaded verse. Many practical questions arise about training a child in the way he should go. Here are some questions we may have: What is the bible asking us to do when it says train a child? How do we know we are effective at the training? Eighteen years is a long time to wait to find out if we have been effective. What roadblocks will we come across in the training process? What does “in the way they should go” actually mean?
What does it mean to train? Let’s start by thinking about the word ‘train.’ In what contexts are we familiar with training? Think on each of these settings for training; military training, training for a marathon, on the job training, personal trainers at the gym, puppy training, and potty training. Our everyday lives are full of training examples. Here are some characteristics of training. Training is a deliberate and planned activity; training doesn't just happen. Training is also in preparation for the real thing, whatever that might be; military train for war, runners train for the big race, at a new job we train so that we can do the a new job, at the gym we train to achieve a certain level of physical fitness, children potty train to move from diapers to the potty, and dogs under go training to become obedient. I think you get the picture. Training means that we calculate a method of activity and follow through to achieve a desired end. Training often requires practice and repetition until it is done right. Training may include correction and/or negative consequences.
In Hebrew the word ‘train’ also incorporates the idea of dedicating. When you dedicate something you set that something aside for something else or you assign something to a specific function, task or purpose. Dedication also has the implication that it is something set apart for God. Proverbs 22:6 is simply commanding us to set our children apart for God’s future purpose in their lives. We must remain disciplined in our training regimen so that our children reach adulthood with not only all the tools and maturity needed, but also ready and willing for the call of God in their lives.
How will we know if we are effective trainers? If you want to be an effective trainer you must first posses the knowledge it takes to transform something into something else. If there is a lack of knowledge about the subject the goal cannot be reached.
To be an effective trainer you must secondly be a model of success. If you have never run a marathon it will be hard to train someone without your personal experience to help them physically and mentally prepare. If you are weak and need to loose a few pounds you will loose credibility and clients as a personal trainer. Those we train deserve to have a worthy example of the goal in front of them.
Finally to be an effective trainer you must identify and overcome roadblocks such as bad parental legacies, creeping personal agendas, and reoccurring frustrations and disappointments.
If you fear you do not have the knowledge, are not yet the example you need to be and find yourself unaware of or unable to conquer the roadblocks in your training process, let me impress upon you some hope. There is tool to help us be effective trainers. It’s God’s Word. Listen to this verse, “All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right,” II Timothy 3:16.
The knowledge we need to train our children in the way they should go is found in scripture. It may not have answers to all our parenting questions, but the frame of reference we need to have when teaching our children how to behave, to be in relationship, and to love God comes from His Word. It will give us the knowledge of what is true, and right and wrong.
John 15:1-11 gives us the instruction for us to be the best model for our children. "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." Many times over the word ‘remain’ is used. Our job is to remain in him. Our job is not to fix things, not to fix our kids, not to worry about fixing our kids, and not to control things. Our job is simply to find Jesus and remain in him. It isn’t an easy task, but, God promises when we remain in him that He will change us, transformation will take place in us and fruit will be born in us. The fruit in our lives will be seen by our children. We will become the model our children need in their training if we remain in Jesus.
God’s Word, again, will be our guide when we need to overcome roadblocks. It will be difficult to see and break the bad patterns and parenting styles passed down to us by our parents. But there are many verses that outline how to love and discipline our children God’s way. There may be times where our own personal agendas creep in and we find we have missed a teachable moment with our child. God’s word will fill us with forgiveness and hope for the next opportunity. Finally God’s word will be where we find encouragement and strength when we feel frustrated and disappointed in ourselves or our children. In the discussion questions I would like to think of some verses we can put in our little toolboxes for moments when we hit these roadblocks.
Moving on into the “way they should go.” The Matthew Henry commentary has these thoughts, “Not the way they would go, but the way in which if you love them, you would have them go.” I find that idea helpful. Identifying that the way they would go if left up to them would not be the best way to go. Our experience and knowledge from many more years of life helps us choose better ‘ways’ for them, ‘ways’ that they are unable to discern at their young age. This commentary also tells us that they should be “trained up as soldiers, who are taught to handle their arms, keep rank, and observe the word of command.” It’s hard to think you are training up soldiers when you are wiping PB&J from their hands, faces and out of their hair, but there are some good correlations we can draw. Handling arms could be like handling their mouths/speech and hands/legs which can be used as hurtful weapons. Keeping rank and observing the word of command goes along with respecting authority and obeying rules. In many ways we are training as you would train a soldier.
Another commentary from John Gill, looks at Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The Lord’s training and instruction being, “praying for them, extending grace, giving them God’s word, teaching them duty to God and man, setting good examples of holy living.” Gill’s additional thought is, “All (this is) done according to their capacity fed little bits, a little bit at a time as their mouths can receive it.” I think that makes sense. Teach them a little at a time, incorporating more and more as they grow.
Psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend say in their material, “Raising Great Kids,” that our goal is not just to train children to be good children and eventually good adults, but to train them to have good character. They suggest six character traits to be developed:
Connectedness, an ability to form relationships
Responsibility, realization that his/her life is his/her problem
Reality, learn to accept the negatives of the real world
Competence, know and use God given gifts and talents
Conscience, a sense of right and wrong
Worship, God is in charge of their live – separate faith than parents
Cloud and Townsend do an excellent job through their material in helping us form these traits in our children. Perhaps in the future we will be able to go through it. For now, however, I’d like to break it down into a simpler model. It comes from a passage in Luke where we find the only verse about Jesus as he grew. Luke 2:52, “and Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.” At a Christian sports summer camp where I worked during college, this verse was taught to all the children as the Four-Square life. Jesus is our ultimate model, so this verse carries some weight. Let’s break it down into four parts, grow in love for God, grow in love for people, grow in stature and grow in wisdom.
As Cloud and Townsend said we are to raise more than good children we are to raise children with good character, and these two models are differentiated by a growing love for God. Showing God our love for him involves learning and obeying his commands, learning respect for ourselves and others as God’s creation and learning to worship him through prayer and song and serving. Use the discussion questions in the Discussion post to help you brainstorm ideas for training ideas to help your child grow in love for God by their age.
I hope tonight as we were able to think about the word training you were able to come away with some clarity on not only the seriousness of the task of training but that God’s word is our source for instruction on the way they should go. It will provide us with the knowledge we need to complete this task. It will help us be the model they need by directing us to remain in Christ. It will also help us overcome roadblocks and obstacles in the training process.
I also hope that when you are deciding on ‘the way they should go’, you will remember Luke 2:52 and Christ’s example as a child being trained to love God, love people and grow in stature and wisdom. Next time we meet we will discuss the other 3 squares to the 4 square life and again brainstorm ways to train our children in these remaining areas.