Blog Blip - Thoughts about Daughters
My days are often alike, full of self-sacrifice and serving. I stay at home with my children and try to keep up a loving, clean, functioning home. In the afternoon I usually have some time to myself. It took some work, but I managed to coordinate the afternoon naps of my three children into the same two hour block of time. Sometimes I clean up things during those two hours, sometimes I eat lunch in silence, sometimes I read, and sometimes I even take a nap! Whatever I do, at the end of it, I always want five more minutes of ‘me-time’!My four year old rarely sleeps at naptime anymore, but he manages to stay relatively quiet in his room while the other children sleep. Today, as I open his bedroom door he jumps off his bed, lands on the floor with a loud thud and then exclaims, “Uhhh, I’m tired”. I laugh, because I am tired too. I’m too tired to be upset that he did not fall asleep, again. Next I open the door to my two and a half year olds room; she pops her head up from her pillow and says, “Treat Mommy?” Of course, it is snack time. They never forget. I move on to child number three, my six month old, and pull her up out of her bed to feed her. Yes, ‘me-time’ is clearly over. Yet, I would not trade my life for anyone’s. Being a mother has changed me, for the best.I had only been married for two and a half years when my son was born. I do not really remember much about being married before we had children. My husband and I seemed to adjust fairly well to being parents. We actually thought we were pretty good at it. Although we were surprised by our second pregnancy, coming only seven months after our son was born, not even the thought of having two babies in sixteen months seemed to scare me. I imagined that we would just make it work. However, I do remember thinking a force was out to get me the day we went in for baby number two’s twenty week ultrasound. Our ultrasound technician asked us if we wanted to know the sex of our baby. Believing #2 was another boy; we said “yes, please tell us”. I was shocked when I heard her say, “It’s a girl”. I realize that most women are excited to have a daughter. They have dreamt of shopping together and getting manicures, of slumber parties and learning to wear make-up. Not me, I was afraid to have girls. I welled up with tears and tired hard to hold them all in. My mind raced as I had a horrible thought, something I had heard for years about mothers and daughters. My thought was, she is going to grow up to be just like me! That is how the old saying goes, right? We resemble our parents. My son will turn out like his dad, sounds great. But, a mini-me? It just does not sound like a good idea. There are too many things still wrong with me. I am not nice enough, funny enough, or Godly enough. I am selfish and have a bad temper. I am irrational and jealous. I feel ugly sometimes and I doubt myself. And I am not sure any of those things can actually be fixed. Realizing that the curse was really on her, I began crying again!We picked our oldest daughter’s name out even before we were married, I just did not expect to ever use it. I really believed I was to be a mother of boys. What a ridiculous thought! My daughter’s name means, ‘royalty’. My husband is ‘beloved’, my son is ‘gift from God’, and my youngest daughter is ‘crooked nose’. We are hoping that she never asks the meaning of her name and we pray no accidents befall her so as her name defines her. This is what happens when you fall in love with a name and then learn the meaning. Ironically, I think, my name means butterfly. When I discovered I was to be a mother of a daughter, I felt less like a butterfly and more like a caterpillar. I even bit my nails! Little girls do not want their moms to be nail biters; their moms should have beautiful, appropriately long, painted nails. Nails for the world to see and love, not nails you want to hide.In November, 2004, my daughter was born and something in me has never been the same. She is ‘all girl’. She mothers her baby dolls, feeding them, clothing them, changing their diapers and putting them down for bed. She likes dresses and shoes and purses and talking on the phone. She loves to do all the things for her babies I love to do for my children and all the things I like to do as a girl. She mimics me, naturally. Slowly I have replaced my fear with hope and determination. Hope that God could do some work in me. Determination to be someone she would want to be when she grows into an adult. I fight internally to see myself as a much loved child of God. I strive to find beauty within. I dig deep to learn about myself and my emotions, so that I can react maturely in my relationships. I carve out time for myself so that I can be more loving and patient and fun. She inspires me to let go of my fears and pursue my dreams. I even quit biting my nails!Today I am a proud mother of three, one son and two daughters. These preschool and toddler years are all I know. I drive to play dates and preschool. We take trips to the pool and the library. I think in terms of sippy cups and diapers and burp cloths. I sing the praises of TiVo and Netflicks, and portable DVD players. Many think my life is limited and suffocating, but now, because I’m a mom, I know more about myself than ever before. I know the bad and ugly caterpillar parts of me. I know I need to grow and change. God is using these three little people to morph me into a butterfly. You see, ‘Me-time’ is my time to process and reflect, to refocus and gear up! ‘Me-time’ is for them too! I look at them and want to be the best that I can. Now, I am certain of my favorite things in life. I know what I want for my future. I am learning how to live joyously and purposefully. Now, I am truly thankful God blessed me with daughters.
Leading Your Child to Jesus
The first component of Leading your child to Jesus is good Communication with Kids.
Have you received any of those emails that reveal the very literal minds of children? Or listened to them recite the Star Spangled Banner in their own words? Children hear things differently than adults. This first exercise and segment is meant to close the gap between what you say and what your children hear. Children understand concrete terms and language better than they understand abstract terms and language. It is important to avoid symbolism and religious words. Here is a list of some of these symbolic and religious words that might be difficult for our children to understand:
Jesus into your heart
Pay the price for your sins
Lord of my life
Sin
Forgiveness
Punishment
Crucified
Savior
Resurrection
Confess
Eternal Life
Substitutionary atoning sacrifice
Perfect lamb who carried my sins
Spiritual transformation
Here are some key things to remember about language and children:
1. Children are at different developmental levels – age can be a factor and experience or exposure to Jesus can be a factor. If you are unsure if what you said is making sense to them, ask.
2. Children are most receptive to stories and terms they can relate to or picture – stories vs. lectures. Think about how Jesus would share important concepts with his followers. Word pictures and quick questions that provoke thought; were 2 techniques.
3. Children may focus on or be distracted by, a single detail in a story. Avoid distracting details and think about appropriateness and timing (i.e. football and drinking).
It will take more practice to use language they will understand. Become a student of your kids and other kids around them. Take time to imagine what it would be like to be them and see the world as they see.
Application: Describe what you believe each of your children already understand about God, Jesus and the Bible.
Application: Develop a list of bullet points that describes your kid’s lives today. In addition to school, culture, and fun activities, include typical attitudes toward God, Jesus, church, and Christianity. Underline items similar to your own childhood years.
Another component to Leading your child to Jesus is to Share your Story, how Jesus became your Lord and Savior. The basics of a strong testimony are: make it clear, use the right terminology and keep it short. Not sure where to start? Lead with, “Here’s what happened to me…” There are 3 Parts to a testimony (as outlined in Paul’s example)
BC – before becoming a Christian
The Cross – your conversion
AD – after becoming a Christian
Application: Using key words only, answer these questions:
BC – Before becoming a Christian: What were you like, personally and/or spiritually before becoming a Christ-follower? What caused you to begin considering a more toward God/Christian?
The Cross – Your conversion: What realization did you come to that finally motivated you to follow Christ? Specifically what did you do to become a Christian?
AD – After becoming a Christian: How did your life begin to change after you began to follow Christ? What are clear differences in your life now that you follow Christ, compared with your BC life?
Now it is time to write your story in shorthand. Using only 4 sentences and the key words from the exercise above, write your story.
Once you’re done thinking about the filters we discussed earlier. Refine what you have written make sure you show identifiable change.
Application: Read your four sentences aloud and time yourself. If it’s longer than one minute, cut down your sentence length.
Application: Share your four sentences with at least two other adults. Ask for feedback on clarity. Make changes as needed.
A third component in Leading you child to Jesus is to Share God’s Story.
Now we can share our own stories in a kid friendly way, but what about sharing the Gospel, or God’s story? Becoming a Contagious Christian, an evangelism training course outlines the Gospel this way:
1. God
2. Us
3. Christ
4. You and me
Work through each segment and work to fully understand the message.
4-Part Gospel Outline
1. God
He is Holy – Leviticus 19:2
He is Loving – 1 John 4:19
He is Just – Isaiah 61:8
2. Us
All people sin – Romans 3:23
Debt payment is Death – Romans 6:23
We cannot clear our debt – Isaiah 1:11
3. Christ
Jesus Christ is God and man – John 1:1, 14
Jesus died as our substitute – Romans 5:8; Revelation 1:18
Jesus our Savior offers forgiveness for free – Romans 3:23-24; Ephesians 2:8
4. You and me
We must ask Jesus to be our Lord and Savior – Romans 10:9; Ephesians 5:15, 17
We become adopted into God’s family – John 1:12
Spiritual transformation takes place b/c Jesus is in us – 2 Corinthians 5:17
This outline helps us put the gospel into words, but so far it isn’t kid friendly. Let’s look at kid-friendly terms and see if we can come up with some words and phrases that kids can understand.
It is important to remember that even though we deliver the message, true comprehension and conviction are results of the Holy Spirit. Work out these applications.
Application: On one side of a small note card list the four parts of the salvation plan: God, Us, Christ, You and Me. Next to each point, write a short sentence of explanation. Carry this card so you can refresh your memory prior to any situation in which you might have the chance to share God’s story (with kids or adults.)
Application: Practice explaining the salvation plan with at least two other adults. Ask for feedback on clarity and kid-friendliness.
A final component in Leading you child to Jesus is The Prayer and Beyond.
What are we preparing all this for? It is all for the moment when our children ask what they need to do to become a Christian. With adults we will use scripture passages that give a process of repentance and confession and acknowledgement. But with Children perhaps you have heard of the A-B-C Prayer.
1. A-B-C Prayer
A – Admit your sins and ask for forgiveness
B – Believe in Jesus and that he died for your sins
C – Choose to follow Jesus the rest of your life
We will need to replace any adult words with kid words to help them understand and be able to say it themselves.
What then should we be looking for when they say the prayer?
2. Readiness guidelines
Genuine, personal desire
Don’t discount repeat prayers
Consider age
3. How to respond when they do Pray to accept Christ
Make it a big deal
Mark the moment
Get a Bible for your child
Encourage continued prayer
Go through the application questions for this section.
Application: On the back of the note care you made as a personal exercise following our Telling God’s Story, write the letters A, B and C with a short explanation of each.
Application: Practice prompting a partner through the A-B-C prayer. Repeat at least twice.
Application: Plan what you will do in response to the moment your child prays for salvation.
The Early Years: Well, many of us have young children. And, I love the chapter in Leading Your Child to Jesus that is about just that, young children. How can we effectively reach a young child? John Trent says, “it’s never too early for God’s created people to do the very thing he created them for: have a deep friendship with him.”
Positively connect the child’s world to God. It can be very simple.
God made this banana – as you hand them a banana to eat
I’m here for you, and God is always here for you – when fussy
Using the name of God and Jesus frequently
Singing… what other ways???
Clearly communicate God’s truth and love. Use four-word simple statements of God’s truth.
God made the animals
God made the sky
God will help me
The Bible is true
Jesus loves me
Actively reinforce the message, with touch – expression of God’s love.
Application: List several simple, four-word statements in each of the following categories:
Who God is
What God does
Things we see that remind us of God
Descriptions of God’s love
Application: Write a note to your son or daughter that describes your love for him or her. Read the note to your child often, followed by a long hug.
The first component of Leading your child to Jesus is good Communication with Kids.
Have you received any of those emails that reveal the very literal minds of children? Or listened to them recite the Star Spangled Banner in their own words? Children hear things differently than adults. This first exercise and segment is meant to close the gap between what you say and what your children hear. Children understand concrete terms and language better than they understand abstract terms and language. It is important to avoid symbolism and religious words. Here is a list of some of these symbolic and religious words that might be difficult for our children to understand:
Jesus into your heart
Pay the price for your sins
Lord of my life
Sin
Forgiveness
Punishment
Crucified
Savior
Resurrection
Confess
Eternal Life
Substitutionary atoning sacrifice
Perfect lamb who carried my sins
Spiritual transformation
Here are some key things to remember about language and children:
1. Children are at different developmental levels – age can be a factor and experience or exposure to Jesus can be a factor. If you are unsure if what you said is making sense to them, ask.
2. Children are most receptive to stories and terms they can relate to or picture – stories vs. lectures. Think about how Jesus would share important concepts with his followers. Word pictures and quick questions that provoke thought; were 2 techniques.
3. Children may focus on or be distracted by, a single detail in a story. Avoid distracting details and think about appropriateness and timing (i.e. football and drinking).
It will take more practice to use language they will understand. Become a student of your kids and other kids around them. Take time to imagine what it would be like to be them and see the world as they see.
Application: Describe what you believe each of your children already understand about God, Jesus and the Bible.
Application: Develop a list of bullet points that describes your kid’s lives today. In addition to school, culture, and fun activities, include typical attitudes toward God, Jesus, church, and Christianity. Underline items similar to your own childhood years.
Another component to Leading your child to Jesus is to Share your Story, how Jesus became your Lord and Savior. The basics of a strong testimony are: make it clear, use the right terminology and keep it short. Not sure where to start? Lead with, “Here’s what happened to me…” There are 3 Parts to a testimony (as outlined in Paul’s example)
BC – before becoming a Christian
The Cross – your conversion
AD – after becoming a Christian
Application: Using key words only, answer these questions:
BC – Before becoming a Christian: What were you like, personally and/or spiritually before becoming a Christ-follower? What caused you to begin considering a more toward God/Christian?
The Cross – Your conversion: What realization did you come to that finally motivated you to follow Christ? Specifically what did you do to become a Christian?
AD – After becoming a Christian: How did your life begin to change after you began to follow Christ? What are clear differences in your life now that you follow Christ, compared with your BC life?
Now it is time to write your story in shorthand. Using only 4 sentences and the key words from the exercise above, write your story.
Once you’re done thinking about the filters we discussed earlier. Refine what you have written make sure you show identifiable change.
Application: Read your four sentences aloud and time yourself. If it’s longer than one minute, cut down your sentence length.
Application: Share your four sentences with at least two other adults. Ask for feedback on clarity. Make changes as needed.
A third component in Leading you child to Jesus is to Share God’s Story.
Now we can share our own stories in a kid friendly way, but what about sharing the Gospel, or God’s story? Becoming a Contagious Christian, an evangelism training course outlines the Gospel this way:
1. God
2. Us
3. Christ
4. You and me
Work through each segment and work to fully understand the message.
4-Part Gospel Outline
1. God
He is Holy – Leviticus 19:2
He is Loving – 1 John 4:19
He is Just – Isaiah 61:8
2. Us
All people sin – Romans 3:23
Debt payment is Death – Romans 6:23
We cannot clear our debt – Isaiah 1:11
3. Christ
Jesus Christ is God and man – John 1:1, 14
Jesus died as our substitute – Romans 5:8; Revelation 1:18
Jesus our Savior offers forgiveness for free – Romans 3:23-24; Ephesians 2:8
4. You and me
We must ask Jesus to be our Lord and Savior – Romans 10:9; Ephesians 5:15, 17
We become adopted into God’s family – John 1:12
Spiritual transformation takes place b/c Jesus is in us – 2 Corinthians 5:17
This outline helps us put the gospel into words, but so far it isn’t kid friendly. Let’s look at kid-friendly terms and see if we can come up with some words and phrases that kids can understand.
It is important to remember that even though we deliver the message, true comprehension and conviction are results of the Holy Spirit. Work out these applications.
Application: On one side of a small note card list the four parts of the salvation plan: God, Us, Christ, You and Me. Next to each point, write a short sentence of explanation. Carry this card so you can refresh your memory prior to any situation in which you might have the chance to share God’s story (with kids or adults.)
Application: Practice explaining the salvation plan with at least two other adults. Ask for feedback on clarity and kid-friendliness.
A final component in Leading you child to Jesus is The Prayer and Beyond.
What are we preparing all this for? It is all for the moment when our children ask what they need to do to become a Christian. With adults we will use scripture passages that give a process of repentance and confession and acknowledgement. But with Children perhaps you have heard of the A-B-C Prayer.
1. A-B-C Prayer
A – Admit your sins and ask for forgiveness
B – Believe in Jesus and that he died for your sins
C – Choose to follow Jesus the rest of your life
We will need to replace any adult words with kid words to help them understand and be able to say it themselves.
What then should we be looking for when they say the prayer?
2. Readiness guidelines
Genuine, personal desire
Don’t discount repeat prayers
Consider age
3. How to respond when they do Pray to accept Christ
Make it a big deal
Mark the moment
Get a Bible for your child
Encourage continued prayer
Go through the application questions for this section.
Application: On the back of the note care you made as a personal exercise following our Telling God’s Story, write the letters A, B and C with a short explanation of each.
Application: Practice prompting a partner through the A-B-C prayer. Repeat at least twice.
Application: Plan what you will do in response to the moment your child prays for salvation.
The Early Years: Well, many of us have young children. And, I love the chapter in Leading Your Child to Jesus that is about just that, young children. How can we effectively reach a young child? John Trent says, “it’s never too early for God’s created people to do the very thing he created them for: have a deep friendship with him.”
Positively connect the child’s world to God. It can be very simple.
God made this banana – as you hand them a banana to eat
I’m here for you, and God is always here for you – when fussy
Using the name of God and Jesus frequently
Singing… what other ways???
Clearly communicate God’s truth and love. Use four-word simple statements of God’s truth.
God made the animals
God made the sky
God will help me
The Bible is true
Jesus loves me
Actively reinforce the message, with touch – expression of God’s love.
Application: List several simple, four-word statements in each of the following categories:
Who God is
What God does
Things we see that remind us of God
Descriptions of God’s love
Application: Write a note to your son or daughter that describes your love for him or her. Read the note to your child often, followed by a long hug.
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